It's really funny how we all really get caught up in the fame game. Ever since seeing the film "Garden State", I have been reading the Zach Braff Garden State Blog, to see what this guy is up to. It's an interesting read and I believe that everyone leaving comments hopes that they catch the eye of Mr. Braff himself. In fact, the last time I looked, there were well over 400 comments left for the last entry. (And most of those just attached an email address and not their weblog url for people to check out. I suppose they had hopes of being contacted.)

Funny, I too, felt the need to leave my mark. Twice. But, I won't be doing that any more. Why? Because I felt I was being consumed, just a little, with getting recognition for my feelings. And if that is all I need, then I should just keep writing this blog and hope to hell that someone reads it. At least a couple of people will... Or maybe, I will just go out and meet a whole lot of people and make connections on that level.

What is it in humans that make those "fifteen minutes of fame" that Andy Warhol talked of, necessary. Is it just creative people that crave this or does everyone want some sort of validation? And why? Is it because we all want to be loved?

I am always looking for something that will make me stand out in the crowd and get me noticed. The truth is, is that if I felt that I was worthy of the attention, I wouldn't long for it. People can tell me that I am wonderful, worthy, intelligent, talented and, dare I say it, cool but unless I believe it, I will always search for meaning.

Anyway, back to the famous guy's blog... He talks today of antidepressants and their usage and how he didn't make the film as a statement against those drugs. I just wanted to comment on the whole drug thing myself and how that related to how I felt when watching the film. I am not giving anything away because you would have heard the synopsis of the film anyhow.

I wanted to share my insights on this subject.

I have been on these drugs. It was a really difficult time in my life and, at the time, it assisted me to wade through a bog of unhappiness. Doctors prescribed them to me stating that depression was an illness much like diabetes and that there is nothing wrong with taking them to get you well again. After all, they said, you wouldn't not take your insulin if you were diabetic.

I had to agree. At the time. The ten months that I spent taking them gave me an outlook more positive than I could hope for. Then, when I was feeling better, I went off them. Properly.

Fast forward to four years later. I was in a similar position of unhappiness upon returning back from an extended leave and the doctor felt it necessary to try again. I did. And I puked for four weeks. And I just felt really horrible. I decided to give it up taking them. Even though I was still sad, I preferred the uphappiness to the puking and the eventual "evening out" of highs and lows which was basically numbness to any kind of emotion.

I know, you are probably thinking that this is a recipe for disaster. But you know what? I took another route...

I began to question why I was feeling this way. I know that I wasn't really taking care of myself and someone recommended I see a naturopathic doctor. I must tell you that I am glad that I did. We discussed my depression and he assured me that I would not feel like that for much longer.

He was right in this. I came to understand that my diet and lifestyle contributed to my inability to feel good. I ate badly, I drank coffee and I just didn't take care of myself. I wasn't getting correct vitamins because of a problem with TMJ that made it difficult to break down foods. When I changed this, I started to feel better.

Eventually, I was able to feel as positive and had a sense of direction.

Which makes me think that sometimes medical doctors cave in to the "fix me right now" mentality many of us have. It took me about two years to feel like I am now. Life is not perfect but I don't think it was meant to be. It's not their fault entirely, they are just doing what we want to, perhaps too quickly for our own good.

My advice to you if you are unhappy? Sure, if your physician recommends it and you feel alright about taking them, you should. They are helpful. But also be willing to receive counselling AND look at your life and see what needs to be changed that will assist you in a long-term cure. Do you eat a lot of processed foods? Do you drink lots of coffee and soft drinks? Do you consume alcohol? Do you exercise? Do you live a healthy, vital life?

If you want true happiness, you may need to make changes. In fact, take a good look at how you can be proactive in your own happiness.

It's too easy in today's society to have a lifestyle of convenience. In my opinion, those things that are acheived too easily are not as worthwhile - or permanent - as the ones that you struggle with.

Look within you and you will see the direction that you should take next!

I hope that everything is well with all of my readers. I hope that peace finds you all! See you!